Every once in a while, when you really need it, God reveals something to your heart. Something that brings you a peace about whatever is bothering you. He provides you with a comfort and a confidence that He's watching out for you and has an awesome, perfect plan for you. In the past three weeks there have been two big ones that God put on me that I'd like to share, because they are definitely awesome witnesses to His provision. This is the first; the second will go up soon in a different post.
The first one harks back to what I wrote about a while ago: how God uses the broken people and their brokenness to glorify Himself in ways we could never imagine. The Spring of last year I had a learning experience (involving a relationship with a girl) that God used to cure my emotional naivety. I believe it was necessary to tame my very large and volatile heart, in a romantic way; to let me learn how to handle my emotions in that context. Then, in the Fall of last year, I had a time of wandering away from God that involved a relationship with girl. That one was different than the first, in that it was completely me making the wrong choice. I finally listened to God and got out of that... He used that experience to motivate me to a new standard of Christianity, to be in the Word every day for a significant portion of time, and to spend lots of time praying too. It was awesome to see God turn that around. I felt like Haley's Comet: I was traveling really fast in the wrong direction, but then the power of God, like the sun's gravity, slung me around to shoot back even faster in the other direction. He took something Satan was doing and made it backfire severely. I praise Him for that so much!
I had one hitch in my heart left from those two past relationships. I had learned that I was to wait again, for the right woman to come along, and then God would bring us together in His way and we would get married. I did that for the last three years of high school, and I finally got it into my head that I was going to be on God's time again. Not the timing of my heart; twice I listened to it and it only, messed up and hurt people and wished I hadn't done them wrong. I'm not condemning listen to your heart as it relates to romantic situations... I just had to learn to wait for the green light from God, when I could fully unleash all the love that's under such high pressure waiting in my heart. God's given me a peace about it, which is good, and wonderful, and helps me to wait for His time.
The hitch was this: that my past experiences might taint me and make me less worthy in the sight of that woman who is going to be perfect for me. I am still a virgin, but it was the emotional side of things that worried me, along with just the fact that I had wandered and had two girlfriends before. I felt flawed, imperfect and unworthy. We all are, I am, but God turns all of that around. I was talking to God and told Him that I thought my past experiences would get in the way, but then He told me (in thoughts and feelings): "Didn't you learn things from those experiences? You learned how to handle your heart, and then you learned how to pace a relationship. With those two lessons, you are now fully equipped for next time. You will use this knowledge to guide your next, ultimate, beautiful romantic relationship with your future wife, and it will be better than it could have been if you did not have those lessons with you. It's more perfect now. I have used Satan's plans against him again." That brought me a complete peace about the situation. I no longer felt unworthy. I felt prepared by and loved by God. Now, I'm just waiting and waiting... contentedly and unhurriedly.